The Gentlewoman

What are the misconceptions of Miss Independence in relationships? The pre-existing conceptions of how an independent woman should act in relationships is the main problem in society. The problem isn’t with independent women. Women like this constantly break the restraints in gender roles.

Now, I have come in to contact with many people [both men AND women] who are uncomfortable with my or any other woman’s hard earned independence – whether financially, physically, mentally, or all of the above, and it has come to a point where I just have to vent- Yes! Arm twisted and all. Being that I have mastered the art of cultural duality (meaning I am a first gen kid that cannot, and WILL NOT get lost if I go back home to Nigeria) I have noticed that I have received more flack for being educated, ambitious, and thoroughly self-sufficient from my international cohorts as opposed from cohorts born and raised in the US, Canada, Europe and such. Now, abeg… NO VEX, but you know I bring you the truth and nothing but the truth so help me God – I have had relationships fail partially because they think a certain way of me being educated and self-sufficient. Now allow me to list a few misconceptions:

A gentlewoman. “don’t let her independence fool you… she still wants to be courted.” #gentlewoman

Do not get me wrong, if we are in a relationship together, or even friendship, I am still a lady! There are some traditional aspects of me (and of many others) that are very intact; we are not trying “to be men”. Every time I hear that it really grinds my gear, kill that mentality!

Better balance your work life with your love life- that masters degree is not going ot kiss you on your neck, tug your hair and make love to you…” #gentlewoman

I do agree that being in a relationship or having a man is NOT a necessity, but COME ON, who wants to be alone forever? “Yea gurl, I got my degrees and all, I don’t need nobody”- said NO ONE EVER. However, I do not like it to be unnecessarily thrown in my face or made a false point that one may be single because I am educated and or a career woman, I am a human and could multitask [aka, chasing chirren along with your help lol]

“She finds it sexy when you’re in control – not controlling.” #gentlewoman

Contrary to popular belief, it is hella attractive when a guy has things in control and handles business so that we do have to carry all the burden, it is a very BIG sought after quality, we do not want to be “wearing the pants”, nor should you try to flaunt that you wear pants… or tie wrappa… whatever, that controlling ish for the sake of saving your fragile ego is not the business, OK? Be in control, we like that ish.

That’s all for now. Us, women that are educated, career & goal oriented are not some life-less, male bashing, raging sapiens that do not know how to function in every day social life and the ugly picture painted is not warranted. There is a love for balance [we are not men, we get that…], but one thing we cannot deny is that:




Ivery Arie
Author: Ivery Arie

2 comments on “The Gentlewoman

  1. Totally agree..

  2. Thank you for stopping by Mj! Please check out our latest post “Natural Hair: Part 2”!

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