Stop Crying. Yes, I said it… stop crying. If you do not have any issues with what I am about to write; then my concerns do not apply to you. This is really a rant to the negative responses that I have observed in many forums over the issue of bride price and its procedures. As a fairly traditional woman, I am usually at conflicted on what aspects of our culture that I agree and disagree with. I do not mind being an “ideal” wife that cooks, cleans, keeps a household running smoothly- you know, the domesticated life… but that is MY choice – I digress.
Brings me to the topic that I want to brush on… this bride price that I have been seeing men cry about lately [yes, cry about]. Being an African woman I grew up seeing the benefits that men receive from our patriarchal structure and one of the few fun things that allows some sort of effort from the male species they are up in arms to abolish it… pause – ka m nọgide (allow me to continue).
We as women are thought to cater these fragile egos, and yet when it comes to milestone (no mistaken for an achievement) such as our bride price, there are out cries of how unfair it is. Bro please hold your cup of double standard to a minimum and abolish that abeg.
Bride price should remind you that your wife to be has a family that symbolically has her best interest. Paying the bride price should remind you of the effort you have to put to get her and how nothing would stop you from making her your wife. Bride price should remind you that NOTHING good comes easy, so you should be giving yourself a pat on your own back (with your wife to be helping lol). That is an achievement for you as well, going through such no be beans. Going through that list is such a task that you should conquer with all your usual manliness, not the crying- hold that bikonu.
If the problem should occur that relatives do get a bit greedy, that is where your soon to be wife would have your back and/or you to be real that the list is just “way too high”. I get it, some may be unreasonable, but then you must find the reason in the list and pay it.
Bride price should be here to stay, remember the true symbolism about family and community behind it. Remember it proves your effort and that nothing will stop you from being with the woman that you love. If it is bride price that you are crying about, then maybe you are truly not ready.
-Don’t cry about it, be about it.